


All that glitters

by inquisitor_tohru



Series: The Travellers in the Dark [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Gen, Military Backstory, Partial Blindness, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Protective Siblings, Recovery, The First Order, Trans Female Character, War, glitterstim
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-24
Updated: 2016-06-27
Packaged: 2018-07-18 01:35:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7294216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inquisitor_tohru/pseuds/inquisitor_tohru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seth Glass is among the top ten cadets graduating from one of the first academies to be established in the Unknown Regions after the fall of the Galactic Empire - and he's about to embark on his first mission.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

Once a week, they ground it up and mixed it in your food.

First of all, you’d notice the slight metallic aftertaste from meals that were about as bland as the nutrient paste favoured by some of the older instructors. Then – heightened sensations.

Seth found himself more awake, more alert. He’d notice things that most wouldn’t, _shouldn’t,_ notice. Rats nesting quietly beneath the floorboards, not squeaking but sleeping. The noise Nate’s eyelids made as they moved, colliding with every blink. Even the food began to taste different, and sometimes he’d even be able to pick out the specific ingredients that formed the shapeless mush on his plate.

Afterwards, they’d march, or practice military formations, maybe even spar with one another. Whatever it was they were doing, these sessions tended to go well – no, they _always_ went well. Today was different. Seth, Nate and the others were no longer cadets, but fully-fledged officers. 

“Aren’t you excited?” Nate asked, all toothy grins and wide brown eyes. “Our first mission!” Seth smiled thinly, but said nothing.

“O’reenians aren’t always welcoming to visitors,” Roslin had told him, when he’d spoken to her about the post. “Even civilian visitors. Tread carefully.” O’reen was a highly militarised society, isolated from most of the galaxy, but more than capable of producing war technology and weaponry that rivalled their own. His sister was training as a diplomat, so she knew more about culture and politics than Seth did – he trusted her opinion.

Ten of them had squeezed into the command shuttle after they’d been given their orders. Seth sat between Nate and Commandant Lorne himself. Seth was having trouble focusing on the objective, and the unease that sat deep in the pit of his stomach threatened to empty on the ground between his knees.

“It’s normal to be nervous,” the commandant said, touching his arm softly. Ollie rolled his eyes before Azim caught his attention and shook his head. More than once, Seth had heard Ollie mutter about how the commandant favoured him. “This will help.”

Seth knew what was in the packet Lorne handed him before he unsealed it. The dust inside glowed golden beneath the halogen bulbs in the vessel.

_Glitterstim._

It was beautiful. He’d rarely seen the drug in its purest form, before someone had mashed it into the grey sludge they called food. He’d also never measured out his own dose, but when the commandant started handing out glitterstim rations to the other cadets he followed their lead. Even if it did seem like a lot.

After a few moments, his stomach settled. He sat up straight. His right eye had yet to catch up, but from his left his vision was no longer blurry around the edges. Nobody’s lips were moving, but the shuttle was buzzing with chatter. Seth felt _good._ He wanted to land, to drink up this planet’s atmosphere.

_Me too,_ Nate and Azim thought in unison, before looking at one another and smiling. Even Ollie was excited now. These were the times Seth liked best – the times when the ten of them were _connected_ through their thoughts, able to communicate without speaking. They could hear other people’s thoughts, too, sometimes, but those were one-way transmissions.

_You’re special,_ the commandant reminded them, looking straight at Seth. _Nobody else can do this._ Nobody else seemed to be paying too much attention to his words, but Seth’s chest swelled with pride. Yes, _they_ were the first and only cadets – no, _officers_ – who had been able to complete the special program.

The shuttle landed on the outskirts of one of the planet’s vast forests. A pleasant sensation washed over him as Seth’s boots hit the ground with a glorious _thud._ It reminded him of the quick gust of air when a door _whooshed_ open on a ship.

_Wind,_ Azim’s voice seeped gently into Seth’s mind like a whisper. They’d talked about wind directions in tactical discussions, but this was his first time _feeling_ it cutting through the heat of his crisp, charcoal uniform. It was positively exhilarating.

_That’s the target._ He wasn’t sure if the thoughts were his own or another’s, but the message was clear: the settlement on the horizon was home to those who would bring disorder to the galaxy. He held his hand out instinctively as someone behind him tossed him another thermal detonator.

“Remember,” Lorne said, his voice soft, “this is a covert mission. Avoid detection until each one of you is in place.” Seth licked the last of the glitterstim from his fingers, trying to remember what he’d been so nervous about.

_Yes, Sir!_ The unified response was almost deafening, but it spurred him on as he pressed his body flat to the forest floor, creeping towards the settlement, quieter than the butterflies and crickets that moved alongside him. _Quickly and quietly. Before the effects of the drug wear off._

Nearby, Nate settled his sniper rifle on the makeshift bipod he’d made from sticks he’d found in the undergrowth. With all ten of them surrounding the settlement, Seth prepared to throw his first detonator and-

_Wait,_ he told the others, too late. Someone had already thrown a detonator. The sound of the explosion was nothing compared to the screams of anguish that slammed into his consciousness. He doubled over, his detonator falling to the ground as he heard the desperate, confused pleas of an old man, the cries of a frightened child, and her mother’s final thoughts before the pain ripped through them all.

 

_what’s happening_

_help me_

_mama?_

_please I’m only twenty_

_I love you_

But what was worst of all was the silence that came after.


	2. Chapter 2

_1 year later_

 

When Seth woke up, half of the world was missing. 

He rubbed at his right eye, trying to dislodge the mucus or whatever gunk was blocking his vision. But there was nothing wet and sticky, or dry and crusty. Over the last year the eye had continued to deteriorate gradually, until his vision was dark and blurry. Seth had known this was a risk associated with taking glitterstim, yet he and the others had taken Lorne at his word when he’d reassured them.

_I was so stupid._ He’d had time to accept the loss of his eye, difficult as it had been – at least his left eye remained undamaged, and Roslin had located a skilled ophthalmologist on Coruscant. Once he was able to save up enough money, he’d be able to get a bionic eye.

Unfortunately, that was easier said than done when you spent as many credits as he did on glitterstim.

Roslin stirred beside him. “Morning.”

“It’s gone,” he replied groggily, indicating his eye. Although she was calm, he recognised the cold rage in the green eyes that perfectly mimicked his own – except, of course, that they weren’t _damaged._

“I’m sorry.” She paused, thoughtful. “If we put our savings together-”

“No,” he said gently. “You’ve done more than enough for me.”

“You’re my _brother._ ”

“I’ll save up for a new eye myself,” he told her. “You need the money, too.”

“Okay,” she nodded, shuffling out of bed to go and make breakfast in the cramped galley kitchen. “Pancakes or waffles?” she joked – they had neither.

The table was littered with books and papers from Roslin’s diplomatic training, so they sat on the bed to eat their nutrition bars. They weren’t much, but Seth had to admit they tasted better than anything he’d eaten at the academy. The caf was good, though. Viz, the Twi’lek who ran the cantina they worked at, had been generous enough to gift them with some beans.

After brushing her teeth, Roslin changed into a plain shirt and slack cargo pants, and tied her long, red hair back in a loose bun. Seth watched as she painted strong, steady lines across her eyelids, envying her gift of precision. It was all he could do to keep his hands from shaking when he handed an ale to a customer.

“Are you going to your support group today?” she asked, probably wondering if he wanted some time alone before his shift at the cantina. It was understandable.

“Yes.” Seth thought he might have mourned the partial loss of his eyesight more if it had been sudden, rather than drawn out over so many months. He’d accepted it before it happened and now it was, as strange as it seemed, motivating _._ He _needed_ to get clean, and he _would_. At first it had seemed impossible, but with the combined might of his own willpower, Roslin and the support of the group, he’d managed to reduce his glitterstim consumption over the year since what he and Roslin referred to as “the incident”. He only hoped that Nate, Azim, Ollie, and the others had been as lucky.

Seth hadn’t heard what had happened to the rest of his squad. All Roslin had heard was that the ten of them had been found unconscious following an explosion, and that there were…civilian casualties. He told Roslin about everything he could remember, starting with the very beginning – the glitterstim, and how they used it to communicate with one another during combat simulations. How good it felt to be connected with the others…until it didn’t.

_“The telepathic powers, the cognitive boost that it offered…it was supposed to give us an advantage during battle. Commandant Lorne talked of the Jedi, and how, even though they were our enemy, we ought to learn from them. At least, tactically speaking. Our connections with one another were strongest, but we would be able to understand our enemies – know their moves before they acted.”_

But that had not been an advantage they’d been able to put to use in simulations – nor, as it turned out, in practice, and when he’d left the hospital, he was still in a panic. He ran. _Deserted._ He and Roslin managed to board a ship to Coruscant, and there they’d stayed – for now. He had no doubt that they were looking for him. No one ran from the First Order. Not for long-

  

_what’s happening_

_help me_

_mama?_

_please I’m only twenty_

_I love you_

 

He shuddered, bringing his knees to his chest. Blood splattered across the ground in front of him-

Seth focussed on the aftertaste of the nutrition bar. _Chopped almonds, sugar, sea salt. Oats, flaxseeds, peanuts._ Roslin sat back down next to him, touched his wrist.

“Almonds, peanuts, oats, flaxseeds, sugar, salt and caramel.”

“Caramel?” He frowned, but it was good to have something to ground him.

“Oh, that’s right. Maybe you haven’t tried it before? Viz doesn’t serve it, but at the last cantina I worked in you could get caramel syrup in your caf. I was feeling nostalgic.” She paused, pointed at the empty wrapper, and smiled. “So I got those. It…doesn’t taste the same.”  

“That sounds _fancy._ ” She shrugged, but it was true. The first cantina Roslin had worked at was in Hanna City, not so far from the Chandrila Senate House, so the clientele were of a different social class – Viz’s place wasn’t seedy, but it wasn’t exactly posh either.

“A little fancy, maybe. We’ll go somewhere _really_ fancy once I finish my training.” She stood, offering her hand. “Now, if you still want to head out, you’ll have to move your arse. It’s already-”

“Okay, _mom_ ,” he interrupted, batting her hand away playfully. She laughed, a _real_ laugh, and he hoped that in time he would learn to laugh like that again.


End file.
